How Much Toilet Paper You Really Need For A COVID-19 Quarantine

America is just a few weeks into the COVID-19 pandemic, and already, some people are acting like we now live in a post-apocalyptic wasteland of Mad Max proportions… a terrifying dog-eat-dog world in which it's every man for himself, and we must do everything in our power to survive. This includes stockpiling hand sanitizer, oat milk, and toilet paper. But the fact is, having a whole bunch of toilet paper in the house really isn't going to be of much use to you... no matter how bad the situation gets out there. And even if we all wind up having to self-quarantine in the days to come, we're probably looking at about two weeks' time cooped up in our homes. Well, if that turns out to be the case, you'll really only need the same amount of toilet paper that you tend to use in any two-week period. Of course, this begs the question: Exactly how much toilet paper does that actually amount to? In case you're simply too panicked to figure out how long a roll of toilet paper tends to last in your household, Vice has helpfully done the dirty work and crunched the data for you: While toilet paper rolls and sheet counts vary from person to person, 500-sheet rolls of two-ply paper were used for the sake of their experiment. First, it was necessary to establish the average amount of, um, "movements" per week. According to a Scandinavian survey, it turns out that the average person goes Number Two approximately 1.714 times per day. Seeing as men tend to use toilet paper solely for this purpose, that means he'll use TP about 14 times a week. But women also need to use toilet paper after they pee, which they do about seven times a day. So seven times seven equals forty-nine. Add on twelve for that other thing - because women poo too, of course - and you get sixty-one. Add another one just for kicks... and you get sixty-two toilet paper events each week for women. So, here's another burning question: How many sheets of TP are needed for each of these bathroom "events"? Of course, individual mileage is bound to vary from one "event" to the next, but the Massachusetts Institute of Technology determined that the average number of sheets per use is 8.6. Now let's turn back to our calculator for some more number-crunching: As it turns out, men need approximately 120.4 sheets per week, while women need 533.2 sheets per week. That means that in the event of a two-week quarantine, a man should be good to go with a single 500-sheet roll, while a woman may require just over two rolls. And since toilet paper is usually sold in packs of at least four rolls, one of these should certainly see you through a quarantine in a household of one, and most likely a household of two. And should you ever wish to maximize your toilet paper supply, both a nuclear physicist and a mathematics professor concluded that wadding up the TP while you wipe is a far more efficient strategy than folding it. You can thank the Dollar Shave Club blog for this essential bit of trivia. Now suppose you suddenly run out of your touchable, soft, ever-so supple toilet paper... In fact, let's imagine you ran out of toilet paper right before it became the hottest commodity since Popeye's chicken sandwich. Sure, it's a raw deal… but it's not the end of the world, despite the apocalyptic scenes that are unfolding in toilet paper aisles across the nation. "One big convenience store operator, they said, 'You know, we've had enough of people stealing our toilet paper, so we're gonna put a curse on it.'" Don't give up hope should you find the shelves bereft of TP the next time you hit the stores. Instead, we recommend picking up a few boxes of Kleenex. We guarantee that your bum will never know the difference. Even if the Kleenex is all sold out, there's still no reason to panic. At the end of the day, there are plenty of toilet paper alternatives you can reach for in the event of an emergency. Consider this: You can finally put all that junk mail -- and all those mile-long receipts - to good use. Watch the video to see How Much Toilet Paper You Really Need For A COVID-19 Quarantine. #Coronavirus #COVID19 #Corona